The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, lights, parties, and family gatherings. But for many people, the holidays bring deep sadness. You might be missing a loved one, a past relationship or friendship, or even an earlier version of yourself. You might also be carrying anticipatory grief, fear, or changes in your mental state. When everyone else seems to be celebrating, it can make your private pain feel even heavier.

Grief is not a sign of weakness, failure, or poor coping. It is a natural human emotion. Psychology research shows that grief can affect sleep, appetite, motivation, and attention. Some people experience symptoms similar to major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, or seasonal affective disorder. These changes do not mean something is “wrong” with you—they mean you cared. During the holidays, you deserve a safe space to feel what you feel, without pressure to “get over it.”

Why grief feels harder around the holidays

Grief is already complex. Many people move through the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—in no clear order. They move like a shifting compass, pointing a different direction each day.

During the holidays, the contrast of emotions can feel sharp. Festive music, decorations, and advertisement messages about happiness can make your sadness feel out of place. But it isn’t. Your grief is shaped by emotion, cognition, mind, and memory, and it responds to cues all around you. Even a smell, or a sound, can evoke a memory that brings physical reactions as well as emotional ones.

You might experience:

• Loneliness, even when surrounded by people

• Guilt for not feeling cheerful

• Anger or regret about what has changed

• Fatigue, stress, or insomnia

• A sense of ambiguous loss after a breakup, miscarriage, injury, job loss, or other life change

• Emotional detachment or feeling “checked out.”

• A mix of sadness and joy that feels confusing

Neuroscience shows that the anterior cingulate cortex, inferior frontal gyrus, and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex are all involved in how we process grief, empathy, and emotional pain. Humans are social by nature. Our brains respond to loss as if something important has been torn away.

Grief during the holidays is normal. You’re not alone, and your feelings deserve understanding—not judgment.

How to create gentle rituals that honor your loss

You don’t have to force yourself into celebration. Small, low-pressure rituals can help you hold space for your sadness while also allowing moments of comfort. These practices support the mind, emotions, and the healing process. They can also become traditions that help you move through grief in a healthier, more compassionate way.

Here are a few ideas:

Light a candle or lantern

A simple flame can serve as a symbol of memory. This ceremony doesn’t need religion, philosophy, or complex planning. It is a quiet moment to breathe and remember.

Create a memory space

You might place a photo, item, or small piece of art somewhere meaningful. This can help you memorialize someone or acknowledge a loss that others may not see, such as a miscarriage, a relationship loss, or a personal change.

Write a letter

This can help you express emotions that feel stuck. You can burn the letter, keep it, or read it aloud.

Talk with someone you trust

This may be a close family member, a friend, or a therapist. Active listening, eye contact, and empathy can ease emotional pressure. Organizations like The Compassionate Friends or local grief groups often provide free support.

Take a walk outside

Movement supports your brain, mood, and body. Nature has been shown to lower stress and help with emotional regulation.

Pets and animals can bring comfort during grief

Pets and other animals can offer steady comfort during times of grief. Their calm presence, warm body language, and simple routines can lower stress and ease loneliness. Research shows that spending time with an animal can reduce anxiety, support mood, and even help regulate emotions in the brain. Whether it’s a dog resting at your feet or a cat curled beside you, animals provide nonjudgmental companionship that can make the weight of loss feel a little lighter.

Practice self-compassion

This may look like making tea, choosing a comfortable posture, doing a short meditation, or getting sunlight for vitamin D. These small acts support mental health and help steady the nervous system.

Build a ritual with your community

Some families get together and have a meal in honor of a lost loved one. Some people perform charitable acts in honor of those they have lost. These gestures can boost mental health, promote prosocial behavior, and foster connections.

Healthy rituals don’t numb grief—they help create a safe space to feel it.

Understanding grief and holiday sadness through a mental health lens

Grief is a deeply personal experience that can touch every part of your life. It may also interact with other mental health concerns—such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or dissociation—because grief can stir old wounds, including memories of past trauma, abuse, or emotional manipulation.

No two people grieve alike. Some feel anger. Some feel shame. Some feel a mix of depression and hope. Some experience emotional detachment. Some notice changes in appetite, weight, or sleep. Some feel pressure to “pretend” for friends or family.

In reality, grief takes courage. It shows love, depth, and emotional intelligence.

You deserve community support during the holidays

You do not have to handle grief alone. Community support—whether from family, friends, neighbors, or mental health professionals—can help lighten the emotional load. Even small gestures of kindness and understanding reduce stress and feelings of isolation.

If you are supporting someone who is grieving, remember:

• Normalize their experience

• Offer empathy, not solutions

• Avoid victim blaming or pressure to “stay positive.”

• Use gentle nonverbal communication and patient, compassionate behavior

• Respect their space

• Encourage connection without forcing celebration

How Pacific Health Group can support your healing

Pacific Health Group offers trauma-informed therapy and compassionate support for people navigating grief, loss, anxiety, depression, and holiday sadness. Our mental health professionals understand how grief affects the mind, body, and spirit, and we create a safe space for all emotions.

At Pacific Health Group, we help members:

• Process complex grief, ambiguous loss, and bereavement

• Build coping skills and healthy rituals

• Explore emotions like sadness, anger, fear, jealousy, and guilt

• Manage stress, sleep changes, and depressive symptoms

• Strengthen motivation and resilience

• Reduce isolation through community support

We serve individuals, families, teens, couples, veterans, and more, and we offer telehealth appointments so you can speak with a therapist from the comfort of your own location.

If you or someone you support is struggling during the holiday season, we’re here to help. Call us at 1-877-811-1217 or visit www.mypacifichealth.com.