Every November 19, people across the country recognize National Family Day. For many, this holiday sparks images of the nuclear family gathered around a dinner table, swapping stories, laughing, and sharing traditions. But the truth is, not everyone has that picture-perfect scene. Families can be complicated, messy, or even absent.

That’s why it’s important to broaden our definition of family. Family doesn’t have to be tied by blood. It can also be about love, loyalty, and trust. This is where the idea of a chosen family comes in—a group of people we intentionally surround ourselves with who give us support, acceptance, and a true sense of belonging.

This blog explores how chosen families can shape our mental health, reduce loneliness, and improve our overall well-being. We’ll also look at how building these relationships can serve as a form of self-care, especially during the holiday season when feelings of social isolation often rise.

What is a chosen family?

A chosen family is the group of people you decide to call your own, whether or not you’re biologically related. These are the friends, mentors, neighbors, or community members who show up for you without judgment. Unlike traditional kinship, chosen families are formed out of mutual care and commitment.

Throughout history, people have relied on chosen families. The LGBTQ community, for example, has long created strong networks of love and support, especially when acceptance from biological relatives wasn’t available. Immigrants, single parents, and people navigating cultural shifts often form similar bonds to build a sense of community.

Sociologists like Émile Durkheim have shown how humans naturally organize into groups. Whether through sociology or social psychology, research makes one thing clear: family is as much about connection and meaning as it is about bloodlines.

Why is chosen family important?

The importance of a support system isn’t just emotional—it’s scientific. Studies in psychology and psychiatry show that strong social support networks protect against mental health struggles.

• Loneliness and social isolation are considered a public health issue, with the U.S. Surgeon General calling it a “loneliness epidemic.”
• Without supportive relationships, risks of major depressive disorder, substance abuse, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation increase.
• Older adults are especially vulnerable, with loneliness in old age linked to poor physical health, higher blood pressure, and lower quality of life.

But here’s the hopeful part: when people experience empathy, emotional support, and a strong sense of community, their mood improves, stress hormones like cortisol drop, and they feel safer and more resilient. In short, having a chosen family can literally change your mental state.

What are the benefits of a sense of belonging?

Belonging isn’t just a nice feeling—it’s a human need. Psychologist Abraham Maslow placed “love and belonging” right in the middle of his hierarchy of needs, after safety but before achievement.

Community psychology and social psychology research have explored why being part of a group matters:

• Group cohesiveness and solidarity make us feel valued.
• A peer group or community of practice offers both informational support and emotional support.
• Research shows that people with strong support systems report lower psychological stress and greater emotional resilience.

This science backs up what we already know from experience: belonging heals. A hug from a trusted friend, a late-night conversation with a roommate, or a mentor’s encouragement can help us recover from setbacks and face challenges with more confidence.

What is the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy one?

Of course, not all relationships are created equal. Sometimes, we find ourselves in toxic relationships that do more harm than good. Signs may include:

• Psychological abuse or verbal abuse
• Gaslighting or manipulation
• Domestic violence
• Patterns of codependency or codependent relationships

These situations can create long-lasting damage to self-esteem, increase stress, and leave people vulnerable to depression or anxiety.

On the flip side, healthy relationships—whether friendship, romance, or family—offer trust, honesty, and care. They encourage confidence, provide comfort during grief, and help with stress management. Even when navigating challenges like marriage problems, long-distance relationships, or breakups, having a healthy support network makes coping easier.

How to build your own support system

So how do you start building your own chosen family? It takes intention, openness, and sometimes a little bravery.

• Join communities: Faith groups, clubs, or local organizations can be the starting point.
• Engage in wellness practices: Activities like yoga, exercise, or relaxation can connect you to like-minded people.
• Have meaningful conversations: Authentic conversation deepens interpersonal relationships and build trust.
• Create and honor rituals: Whether it’s Sunday dinners, weekly movie nights, or shared traditions, rituals reinforce belonging.

If you struggle with social anxiety disorder, emotional loneliness, or feelings of solitude, know that you’re not alone. Building connection is a process, and even small steps toward social support can make a difference.

When to seek professional help

Sometimes, the weight of stress, depression, or a mental disorder feels too heavy to manage alone. That’s when reaching out to a mental health professional can be life-changing.

Some signs that you may need to seek help:

• Persistent loneliness or feelings of social isolation
• Struggling with anxiety, stress, or major depressive disorder
• Experiencing grief that feels overwhelming or unmanageable
• Difficulty breaking free from toxic relationships, psychological abuse, or codependency
• Ongoing marriage problems or conflicts with loved ones
• Feeling trapped in cycles of substance abuse or unhealthy coping behaviors
• Having thoughts of suicidal ideation or deep emotional pain
• Trouble managing stress from work, caregiving, or life transitions
• Facing challenges with self-esteem, confidence, or maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships
  
• Needing tools to cope with social anxiety disorder, emotional loneliness, or patterns of negative thinking

Therapy provides tools for navigating relationships, building resilience, and breaking unhealthy patterns. 

How Pacific Health Group can help you  

At Pacific Health Group, we believe everyone deserves support, whether it comes from biological relatives or a chosen family. That’s why we offer a range of services designed to help you build stronger, healthier connections.

Our care includes:

• Individual therapy to work through personal challenges
• Family therapy to strengthen bonds at home
• Counseling is available both in-person and through telehealth

If you’re ready to invest in your mental health and nurture the relationships that matter most, contact Pacific Health Group today. Let us help you redefine what family means—and remind you that you never have to face life alone. Call us at 1-877-811-1217 or visit www.mypacifichealth.com to learn more.