Self-harm is something a lot of people struggle with in silence, often feeling ashamed or unsure of how to ask for help. But opening up the conversation and talking about it with empathy can make a huge difference. When people feel seen and supported, it can be the first step toward healing. A little understanding really does go a long way.

When someone deliberately hurts themselves—often through cutting, burning, or scratching—it’s usually done as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings that come with living with conditions like depression, anxiety, OCD, or past trauma. It is a serious sign of emotional distress and a way of trying to manage pain that feels too big to handle alone. Unfortunately, this behavior is still widely misunderstood, and that misunderstanding can make it even harder for people to reach out for help.

Fostering understanding is the first step to helping people find healthier ways to cope so they can begin to prioritize their psychological well-being and heal.

 

Why would someone self-harm?

The first step to helping someone who is struggling is understanding why they might hurt themselves. This behavior isn’t always linked to suicidal ideation. Many times, it’s a way to deal with strong emotions, mental distress, or a feeling of losing control.

People often do this because of internal pain. Some use it to let out feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Others may want to feel something during times when they feel emotionally numb. For people with mental health challenges like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), hurting themselves may come from obsessive thoughts or behaviors. Survivors of trauma may also turn to this as a way to handle their past experiences or feel in control of their mood.

This can happen to anyone, but it’s especially common among teenagers and young adults. Research shows that about 17% of young people have harmed themselves, usually starting after age 10. Adults may also struggle with this, but they often hide it because of shame or fear of judgment.

These behaviors can sometimes be related to other issues like addiction, alcohol use, substance abuse, or mental health conditions. People may also be dealing with bullying, depression, or a disease that affects the brain. Some may use medication, but that alone might not be enough.

It’s important to see this behavior as a sign that someone is dealing with something painful, not as a way to get attention. They need support, not blame. Learning why people do this helps us reduce the stigma and encourages healthier ways to cope and heal.

What are the signs of self-harm?

When someone is going through emotional pain, they might turn to physical ways of coping that are often misunderstood. These actions are usually done in secret and can take many forms—not all of them obvious. Recognizing the signs is a crucial step in offering support and understanding.

Some of the more common behaviors include:

Cutting the skin with sharp objects

• Burning with items like lighters or matches
• Scratching to the point of bleeding
• Hitting or punching oneself or walls
• Biting the skin
• Picking at scars or wounds to prevent healing
• Pulling out hair
• There are also less visible or indirect ways people might hurt themselves, such as:
• Skipping meals or severely limiting food as a form of punishment
• Depriving themselves of sleep
• Overexercising to the point of exhaustion or pain
• Engaging in reckless behaviors like unsafe driving or risky substance use
• Consuming non-food or toxic items in small doses

These behaviors are not about getting attention—they are often ways to manage overwhelming emotions, numbness, or a deep sense of distress. For some, it’s a way to release intense feelings. For others, it’s about feeling something when everything else feels empty or out of control.

Understanding what these actions look like allows us to respond with empathy rather than judgment. By creating safe, supportive spaces where people feel seen and heard, we can help them move toward healthier ways of coping—and remind them that they don’t have to go through it alone.

What is the link between self-injury and mental health?

Behaviors like cutting, burning, and hitting oneself are often tied to conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While not everyone who injures themselves has a diagnosed condition, many struggle with intense feelings, past trauma, or overwhelming stress. Hurting themselves can become a way to cope, even though it doesn’t truly solve the deeper issues at play.

What defines mental health?

Mental wellness isn’t just about the absence of illness—it’s about how we think, feel, and respond to the world around us. It influences how we manage stress, relate to others, and make choices. When someone is struggling mentally, their ability to cope in healthy ways can be impacted—and that’s where certain behaviors may come into play.

For some people living with depression, hurting themselves might become a way to feel something when everything else feels numb or empty. Emotional disconnection is common in depression, and physical pain can temporarily replace that emotional void.

Those with anxiety disorders might turn to these behaviors as a way to release overwhelming tension or gain a sense of control when everything feels chaotic. It can act like a pressure valve—offering brief relief, even though it doesn’t solve the root of the problem.

People with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), especially those who have experienced abuse, neglect, or violence, may find themselves overwhelmed by memories and emotions tied to trauma. In these cases, physical pain might feel easier to manage than emotional pain.

For individuals with OCD, compulsive behaviors can take many forms—including the urge to hurt themselves—driven by obsessive thoughts. Even if they don’t want to engage in the behavior, it can feel impossible to resist without support or treatment.

It’s important to know that while these actions might give short-term relief, the feeling doesn’t last. The emotional pain underneath is still there. Over time, using these kinds of coping methods can lead to shame, loneliness, and even more mental distress. To improve your quality of life, it’s important to deal with the real emotions causing the pain. Building healthier ways to cope and realizing it’s okay to ask for help are big steps toward better mental wellness.

How does social media affect mental health?

Social media has a complicated effect on mental wellness, especially for adolescents. On the positive side, it can help spread information about mental health and self-injury, give people access to helpful resources, and provide a sense of community. Many young people feel less alone when they find online spaces that promote healing and offer support from others who understand what they’re going through.

For some, sharing personal stories or reading about others’ experiences can release endorphins, the brain’s natural “feel-good” chemicals. This can create moments of comfort and connection, which are important for emotional healing.

However, social media also has a darker side. It can be a risk factor when it exposes users to harmful or triggering content—like images or messages that make self-harm seem normal or even appealing. This can lead to unhealthy comparisons and increase social isolation, especially if someone feels like they have no one to talk to in real life.

These challenges are part of the larger psychosocial factors that affect a person’s emotional well-being. Things like peer pressure, bullying, and feeling misunderstood by family or friends can make it even harder. A caring parent or trusted adult can play a key role in guiding adolescents through these tough experiences.

The goal isn’t just to stop the behavior—it’s to understand what’s causing it. With compassion, support, and healthier coping tools, people can learn better ways to handle pain and improve their emotional health. Most of all, they need to know they’re not alone, and that healing is possible.

Common misconceptions about self-injury

Many people find it hard to understand why someone would intentionally hurt themselves. From the outside, it may seem confusing or even scary. But for those who do it, self-harm is often a personal way to cope with mental distress and difficult emotions. Sadly, there’s still a lot of stigma around this topic. That makes it hard for people to speak up or ask for help. Fear of being judged or misunderstood keeps many struggling in silence.

This silence grows worse because of false ideas and myths—especially ones spread on social media or in pop culture. These myths block people from getting the support and care they need. Instead of helping, they lead to more social isolation and shame. By replacing myths with facts and awareness, we can show more compassion and help people heal.

“They’re hurting themselves for attention.”

This is one of the most harmful myths. Most people who hurt themselves actually try to hide it. They may wear long clothes, avoid certain situations, and feel ashamed. Self-harm is usually a private way of managing intense emotions, not a way to get noticed. And if someone does share their scars or talk about their pain, it’s often a cry for support, not attention. Everyone deserves understanding when they’re hurting.

“Only teenagers hurt themselves.”

It’s true that self-harm is more common in adolescents, but adults struggle too. Many people who began self-injuring as teens continue the habit into adulthood, especially if they never got help. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean their emotional pain has gone away—it may be even harder to see because they’ve learned to hide it better. Parents, teachers, and caregivers should be aware that this behavior can affect anyone at any age.

“Self-harm means someone is suicidal.”

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not the same thing, though they can be linked. Many people use self-harm to cope with their mental state, manage emotional overload, or feel something when they feel numb. But when the root causes—like bullying, trauma, or substance abuse—are not treated, the risk of suicide can increase. That’s why early management and support matter. People don’t need judgment; they need help and understanding.

“If you can’t see it, it can’t be serious.”

Not all pain shows on the outside. Some people may hurt themselves in ways that don’t leave marks, like refusing to eat, skipping sleep, or taking unsafe risks. Others may feel intense emotional pain without acting on it physically. The brain handles emotional pain much like physical pain, and both can affect a person’s health. It’s important not to assume someone is okay just because they seem fine. What we don’t see still matters.

“They could just stop if they really wanted to.”

This myth makes it sound like people choose self-harm for fun or can quit anytime. But for many, it becomes a serious habit—a way their brain learns to release tension and create brief relaxation through chemicals like endorphins. Stopping isn’t just about willpower. It takes support, time, and the right coping tools. With therapy, sometimes medication, and the help of a trusted parent or friend, recovery is possible.

Self-harm is not a simple behavior. It’s connected to larger psychosocial issues like trauma, substance abuse, bullying, and untreated mental health conditions. Research and evidence show that these behaviors have a high prevalence in youth, but affect people of all ages. Calling self-harm a “phase” or ignoring it won’t help. What will help is learning the truth, spreading awareness, and making sure no one has to face their pain alone.

How to break the stigma surrounding self-injury

The stigma surrounding self-harming behavior can make people feel very isolated, judged, and misunderstood. Because of this, they’re less likely to open up and ask for help.

Creating an environment where people feel safe to talk about their struggles without fear of being judged is vital. The more we educate ourselves and others, the more we can break the cycle of silence and help those who are struggling to find healthier ways to cope.

How to support someone who self-harms

If someone you care about is hurting themselves, it can feel overwhelming and heartbreaking. You might not know what to say or worry about saying the wrong thing. You might even feel frustrated or scared. But the most important thing you can do is be there—and listen.

Listen without judgment

Many people who injure themselves feel ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid that others won’t understand. Instead of reacting with shock or anger, try to listen with care and empathy. Let them share their painful emotions in their own words. You don’t have to fix everything right away. Saying something like, “I’m here for you, and I want to understand what you’re going through,” can make them feel supported and safe.

Encourage professional help

Self-harming behaviors are often signs of serious emotional struggles or a crisis. It’s important to remind them they’re not alone and that help is available. Encourage them to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. Behavioral health services, like those offered at Pacific Health Group, can make a real difference. Professionals can help them work through the root of their pain and learn safer ways to cope.

• Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
• Compassion Focused therapy (CFT)
• Art therapy
• Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT)

These therapies help people develop healthier coping strategies and work through emotional struggles.

Help them find healthier coping mechanisms

People often hurt themselves as a way to release emotions or feel a sense of control. Helping your loved one find safer alternatives—like journaling, art, exercise, listening to music, or using grounding techniques—can provide them with new ways to manage their feelings. Encourage small steps toward self-care and celebrate progress, no matter how small.

What not to say to someone who self-harms

When someone is going through a tough time and harming themselves, it can be hard to know what to say. Even if you mean well, some phrases can feel hurtful, dismissive, or make the person feel worse. That’s why it’s important to be careful with your words and focus on being supportive. Here are some common things not to say—and why they can be harmful:

“Just stop doing it.”

The urge to hurt yourself isn’t something that people can just turn off. It’s not a simple choice—it’s often a response to painful emotions like sadness, shame, or anger. For many, self-harm becomes a way to cope when their mental health feels out of control. It’s important to remember that breaking this cycle takes time, support, and care—not commands.

“You’re just doing this for attention.”

This is one of the most damaging things you can say. In reality, most people—especially adolescents—go to great lengths to hide their self-harming behaviors. They may wear long sleeves, avoid certain activities, or lie about their injuries. Saying this adds to the person’s feelings of guilt and shame and ignores the real emotional pain behind their actions. If someone does speak up or show their scar, they may be looking for understanding—not attention.

“Other people have it worse.”

Comparing pain doesn’t help anyone. Everyone’s perception of their pain is different, and telling someone their problems aren’t “bad enough” only makes them feel more alone. Mental health struggles are real, no matter what someone else is going through. Showing empathy and listening without judgment is far more helpful than comparisons.

Self-harm can sometimes be linked to impulsivity, especially during moments of intense emotion. People might act before they think, especially when they feel trapped by sadness or other overwhelming feelings. While the action might be sudden, the pain behind it is very real and usually builds up over time. There is strong evidence that shows these behaviors are often signs of deeper mental health struggles—not just “bad behavior.”

Instead of saying things that might shut someone down, try to:

• Validate their feelings. Say things like, “That sounds really hard” or “I’m here for you.”
• Offer support. Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult or therapist.
• Remind them they’re not alone. Let them know that many people struggle and that it’s okay to ask for help.

Choosing the right words can make a huge difference in someone’s healing journey. When we approach others with kindness and understanding, we help reduce the stigma and make it easier for people to speak up. In the long run, this support can improve someone’s quality of life and help them find healthier ways to deal with their pain.

Pacific Health Group offers compassionate support for recovery

If you or someone you care about is hurting themselves, know that recovery is possible. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right support, it can happen. There are better ways to cope with pain, and you don’t have to face it all alone. Therapy can help you understand your emotions, build healthy habits, and move toward a stronger future.

Self-harm is often a sign of deep emotional struggle and can be linked to mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or trauma. These mental health challenges affect how the brain works and should be treated with the same care as any other disease. Ignoring these warning signs can increase the risk of a bigger crisis, but support is always within reach.

At Pacific Health Group, we offer a wide range of mental and behavioral health services. This includes individual, family, and teen therapy with caring professionals who specialize in stress management, anxiety, and trauma recovery. Whether you’re looking for in-person care or prefer telehealth options, we make it easy to get the help you need.

If you or someone you love is struggling, reach out today. Call 1-877-811-1217 or visit www.mypacifichealth.com.