Shedding Light on Self-Harm: What It Is and How to Help
On March 10, 2025. Self-harm is something a lot of people struggle with in silence, often feeling ashamed or unsure of how to ask for help. But opening up the conversation and talking about it with empathy can make a huge difference. When people feel seen and supported, it can be the first step toward healing. A little understanding really does go a long way.
When someone deliberately hurts themselves—often through cutting, burning, or scratching—it’s usually done as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions that come with living with conditions like depression, anxiety, OCD, or past trauma. It is a serious sign of emotional distress and a way of trying to manage pain that feels too big to handle alone. Unfortunately, this behavior is still widely misunderstood, and that misunderstanding can make it even harder for people to reach out for help.
Fostering understanding is the first step to helping people find healthier ways to cope so they can begin to prioritize their psychological well-being and heal.
Understanding why people hurt themselves
The first step in supporting someone who’s struggling is to understand why these behaviors happen. Hurting oneself isn’t always connected to suicidal thoughts—in many cases, it’s a way to manage overwhelming emotions, numbness, or a sense of losing control.
People engage in these behaviors for many different reasons, but at the root of it is often emotional pain. Some do it to release intense feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Others may be trying to feel something—anything—during times of emotional numbness. For individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), the urge to harm themselves may come from intrusive thoughts or compulsions. Trauma survivors may also use these actions to process what they’ve been through or to feel a sense of control over their emotions.
These struggles can affect anyone, but they’re especially common among teens and young adults. Studies show that around 17% of young people will engage in this kind of behavior at some point, most often starting after the age of 10. But it’s not just a teenage issue—adults face these challenges too, often quietly, because of the stigma that surrounds it.
Understanding these behaviors means recognizing them as a sign that someone is dealing with something painful—not as a cry for attention. People who hurt themselves need empathy, not judgment. Learning more about the reasons behind these actions is a meaningful step toward breaking the stigma and helping people find healthier ways to cope and heal.
What Do These Behaviors Look Like?
When someone is going through emotional pain, they might turn to physical ways of coping that are often misunderstood. These actions are usually done in secret and can take many forms—not all of them obvious. Recognizing the signs is a crucial step in offering support and understanding.
Some of the more common behaviors include:
Cutting the skin with sharp objects
Burning with items like lighters or matches
Scratching to the point of bleeding
Hitting or punching oneself or walls
Biting the skin
Picking at wounds to prevent healing
Pulling out hair
There are also less visible or indirect ways people might hurt themselves, such as:
Skipping meals or severely limiting food as a form of punishment
Depriving themselves of sleep
Overexercising to the point of exhaustion or pain
Engaging in reckless behaviors like unsafe driving or risky substance use
Consuming non-food or toxic items in small doses
These behaviors are not about getting attention—they are often ways to manage overwhelming emotions, numbness, or a deep sense of distress. For some, it’s a way to release intense feelings. For others, it’s about feeling something when everything else feels empty or out of control.
Understanding what these actions look like allows us to respond with empathy rather than judgment. By creating safe, supportive spaces where people feel seen and heard, we can help them move toward healthier ways of coping—and remind them that they don’t have to go through it alone.
One of the reasons self-injury is so difficult to stop is because, in the moment, it can bring temporary relief. It might distract from emotional pain, create a sense of control, or release endorphins that briefly improve mood. But that relief doesn’t last; over time, self-injury can become a harmful cycle that can be tough to break without mental health support. Self-harm doesn’t address the root problem, and often, creates feelings of shame, isolation, and intensifies emotional distress.
Social media plays a complicated role in self-injury awareness. On one hand, it has helped spread education, connect people to mental health resources, and give individuals struggling with self-injury a sense of community. Many people have found hope in online spaces that promote healing and better understanding of self-harming behaviors.
On the other hand, social media can also be triggering, especially when harmful content or graphic images circulate unchecked. Some online spaces may even normalize or encourage self-harming behaviors, making it harder for individuals to break free from the cycle.
Understanding the connection between self-injury and mental health is key to breaking the stigma. Instead of focusing on just stopping the behavior, real healing comes from addressing the emotions and struggles that lead to it in the first place. With the right support, people who self-injure can find healthier ways to cope—and, most importantly, know they’re not alone.
The link between self-injurious behavior and mental health
Behaviors like cutting, burning, and hitting oneself are often tied to conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While not everyone who injures themselves has a diagnosed condition, many struggle with intense feelings, past trauma, or overwhelming stress. Hurting themselves can become a way to cope, even though it doesn’t truly solve the deeper issues at play.
What defines mental health?
Mental wellness isn’t just about the absence of illness—it’s about how we think, feel, and respond to the world around us. It influences how we manage stress, relate to others, and make choices. When someone is struggling emotionally, their ability to cope in healthy ways can be impacted—and that’s where certain behaviors may come into play.
For some people living with depression, hurting themselves might become a way to feel something when everything else feels numb or empty. Emotional disconnection is common in depression, and physical pain can temporarily replace that emotional void.
Those with anxiety disorders might turn to these behaviors as a way to release overwhelming tension or gain a sense of control when everything feels chaotic. It can act like a pressure valve—offering brief relief, even though it doesn’t solve the root of the problem.
People with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), especially those who have experienced abuse, neglect, or violence, may find themselves overwhelmed by memories and emotions tied to trauma. In these cases, physical pain might feel easier to manage than emotional pain.
For individuals with OCD, compulsive behaviors can take many forms—including the urge to hurt themselves—driven by obsessive thoughts. Even if they don’t want to engage in the behavior, it can feel impossible to resist without support or treatment.
What’s important to understand is that these actions might bring a short burst of relief, but it’s temporary. The underlying emotional pain remains, and over time, these coping mechanisms can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and deeper distress. True mental wellness comes from addressing those root emotions, building healthier coping strategies, and knowing that it’s okay to ask for help.
How does social media affect mental health?
Social media plays a complicated role in emotional health. On one hand, it has helped spread education about these negative coping behaviors, connect people to resources, and give those who are struggling a sense of community. Many people have found hope in online spaces that promote healing and a better understanding of self-injurious behaviors.
Social media is a mixed bag when it comes to mental wellness. On one hand, it can be a place of support—where people share their stories, connect with others who understand, and find resources that help them feel less alone. But on the flip side, it can also be really triggering.
When harmful content or graphic images show up without warning, it can be overwhelming—especially for someone already struggling. Some corners of the internet even normalize or romanticize self-injurious behaviors, which can make it harder for people to break out of that cycle.
That’s why understanding the connection between mental wellness and self-harming behaviors is so important. It’s not just about stopping the behavior—it’s about digging into the emotions and experiences that lead someone there in the first place. Real healing starts with compassion, not judgment. With the right support, people can learn to express those emotions in healthier ways and begin to truly heal. Most importantly, they need to know they’re not alone in what they’re feeling or going through.
Myths and misconceptions about self-injury
Many people struggle to understand why someone might intentionally hurt themselves. From the outside, it can be confusing or even alarming—but for those who engage in these behaviors, it’s often a deeply personal and emotional coping mechanism. Unfortunately, the stigma surrounding this topic makes it incredibly difficult for individuals to open up or ask for help. Fear of being judged, misunderstood, or dismissed keeps many people silent, even when they’re in serious emotional pain.
This silence is made worse by the many harmful myths and misconceptions that continue to circulate—especially online or in pop culture. These false beliefs not only spread misinformation but they also create barriers to compassion, support, and healing. When we rely on stereotypes instead of facts, we risk pushing people further into isolation.
That’s why it’s so important to challenge the myths and replace them with understanding. Let’s take a closer look at some of the most common misconceptions—and the truth behind them.
“They’re hurting themselves for attention.”
This is one of the most damaging misconceptions out there. In reality, most people who hurt themselves go to great lengths to hide it—wearing long sleeves, avoiding certain situations, and feeling embarrassed about their actions. The behavior isn’t about trying to get noticed; it’s usually a private way of coping with overwhelming emotions. Even if someone does talk about their issues or show their scars, it’s not about seeking attention—it’s about seeking help, validation, or understanding, which is something everyone deserves.
“Only teenagers hurt themselves”
While it’s true that behaviors like cutting are more common among teens and young adults, it’s not just a “teen phase.” Many adults also struggle with this- often in silence. Because of the stigma surrounding these behaviors, some adults who started as teens never reach out for help and continue into adulthood. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean their emotional pain has disappeared—it just means they might be even better at hiding it.
“Self-harm means someone is suicidal”
While there is sometimes a connection to suicidal thoughts, it’s not the same thing. Many people who self-injure are not trying to end their lives—they are trying to cope with emotional pain, release tension, or feel something when they’re numb. However, there is a higher risk of suicide over time, especially when the underlying cause of emotional distress isn’t properly addressed. That’s why taking it seriously and offering support is important, rather than assuming the worst or dismissing it entirely.
“If it’s not visible, it must not be serious.”
Just because someone doesn’t have visible marks or scars doesn’t mean they’re not struggling. Some people engage in behaviors that leave no obvious signs—like withholding sleep, skipping meals, or taking unnecessary risks. Others may be in emotional pain but don’t act on it physically. Pain doesn’t always show up on the outside, and assuming someone is fine just because you can’t see it can make them feel even more invisible. Emotional distress comes in many forms, and all of them deserve compassion and care.
“They could just stop if they wanted to.”
This myth suggests that people are choosing to hurt themselves simply because they feel like it, when in fact, these behaviors are often a deeply ingrained coping mechanism. It’s not about willpower—it’s about having the right support, tools, and emotional resources to learn new ways of handling pain. Real recovery takes time, patience, and understanding—not pressure or blame.
Breaking the stigma surrounding self-injury
The stigma surrounding self-harming behavior can make people feel very isolated, judged, and misunderstood. Because of this, they’re less likely to open up and ask for help.
Creating an environment where people feel safe to talk about their struggles without fear of being judged is vital. The more we educate ourselves and others, the more we can break the cycle of silence and help those who are struggling to find healthier ways to cope.
Supporting someone who harms themselves
If someone you care about is injuring themselves, it can be overwhelming and heartbreaking. You might feel unsure of what to say, worried about doing the wrong thing, or even frustrated that they’re hurting themselves. But the most important thing you can do is be there to listen.
Listen without judgment
Many people who injure themselves feel embarrassed, guilty, or afraid of being misunderstood. Instead of reacting with shock, anger, or guilt, listen with empathy. Let them talk about their feelings without trying to “fix” them right away. Saying something like, “I’m here for you, and I want to understand what you’re going through,” can go a long way in making them feel safe.
Encourage professional help
Self-injurious behavior is often a sign of deeper emotional distress, and professional support can be life-changing. Encouraging them to talk to a therapist, counselor, or behavioral health professional—such as those at Pacific Health Group—can help them address the root causes of their self-harming behaviors. We use treatment modalities such as:
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Compassion Focused therapy (CFT)
Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT)
These therapies help people develop healthier coping strategies and work through emotional struggles.
Help them find healthier coping mechanisms
People often hurt themselves as a way to release emotions or feel a sense of control. Helping your loved one find safer alternatives—like journaling, art, exercise, listening to music, or using grounding techniques—can provide them with new ways to manage their feelings. Encourage small steps toward self-care and celebrate progress, no matter how small.
What not to say to someone who self-harms
Even if you mean well, certain phrases can feel dismissive or hurtful. It’s important to remember that words matter and to avoid saying things like:
“Just stop doing it.” The urge to hurt oneself isn’t a choice someone can simply turn off.
“You’re just doing this for attention.” Most people who harm themselves go to great lengths to hide it.
“Other people have it worse.” Pain is personal, and comparisons don’t help.
Focusing on validating their feelings, offering support, and reminding them they are not alone goes a long way towards helping someone heal.
Hurting yourself can be a deeply personal struggle, but no one should have to face it alone. Breaking the stigma and making an effort to understand more about why this happens helps create a world where people feel safe to ask for help and explore healthier ways to cope.
Pacific Health Group offers compassionate support for recovery
If you or someone you love is harming themselves, know that recovery is possible. Healing takes time, but it’s absolutely within reach with the right support. There are healthier ways to process emotions; you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Therapy can provide the tools and guidance to break free and build a stronger, more positive future.
At Pacific Health Group, we offer individual therapy, family therapy, and teen therapy with compassionate professionals who specialize in anxiety, depression, and trauma recovery. With many locations across California and the option for teletherapy, mental and behavioral health support is more accessible than ever. Our secure video calling, messaging, and web-based collaboration tools make getting the help you need easier—no matter where you are.
If you or a loved one is struggling, reach out today. Call us at 1-877-811-1217 or visit www.mypacifichealth.com.
