In The Stolen Girl (2025), a child goes missing, and her mother falls apart trying to find her. It’s a scary movie, but for many people raising kids, it feels all too real. The story shows an issue that many moms and dads live with every day—the constant thought that something terrible could happen to their child at any moment.

Caregivers today often feel like they have to be on high alert all the time. They’re not just meeting daily needs—they’re constantly watching for anything that might go wrong. Online threats, school safety, health issues, and accidents can make it feel like something is always going wrong. Most of this work happens in the mind, and it can build up quickly.

This kind of stress, especially for mothers, can feel like a full-time job. The pressure to do everything right and protect their kids from every possible harm is too much. This mental load is a heavy burden that’s invisible but exhausting. And for many, it’s simply not sustainable.

What does mental load mean?

Mental load means always thinking about and managing everything that needs to be done at home or for your family, even if no one sees it.

Mental load is the invisible work that goes into running a home and raising a family. It includes planning, organizing, remembering, and overthinking—things that often aren’t seen but are always happening in someone’s mind. It’s not about doing the chores, but thinking about them, making lists, noticing what needs to be done, and making sure nothing gets missed.

Imagine packing lunches, keeping track of school projects, planning dinner, remembering doctor’s appointments, and checking the weather to see if the kids need jackets. That’s called mental load. Even when a parent is sitting still, their mind might be racing through 20 different tasks that need to be done.

Over time, this can lead to anxiety and even depression. When one person is always responsible for remembering and managing everything, it becomes overwhelming. Parenting is already a tough job. A recent report from the American Psychological Association found that about one out of three parents said their stress level was very high, between 8 and 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Only about one out of five people without kids reported the same.

Mental load is hard to see, but it’s very real. It’s the weight of always being “on,” always planning, and never getting a true mental break.

What is hypervigilant parenting?

Hypervigilant parenting means you are always on high alert, constantly watching and trying to protect your child from anything that  could possibly harm them.

If you’re always in fight or flight mode, constantly watching and planning for every possible threat your child might face, this is hypervigilance. While all parents want to keep their kids safe, hypervigilance goes a step further—it can feel like never turning off your “danger radar.”

There are many reasons this kind of constant supervision has become more common. Today’s world is full of tools that make it easy to watch and keep track of kids. GPS trackers, nanny cams, baby monitors, and even smart watches allow adults to know where children are at all times. Online forums and social media groups also share stories, advice, and warnings, which can make raising kids feel like a nonstop responsibility.

The media plays a big role, too. News stories often focus on rare and scary events, like kidnappings or school violence. Shows like The Stolen Girl  turn those events into drama that feels all too real for many parents. Even though these stories don’t happen often, they stick in people’s minds and make the world feel more frightening than it really is.

Being aware of trauma and protecting kids from harm is important. But so is finding balance. Not every risk can be controlled, and trying to prevent every problem can actually add more stress for both parents and children. When kids are constantly watched, they may struggle to build independence or confidence. And when parents never get a mental break, they can feel burned out or anxious.

Hypervigilant parenting comes from love and care, but it can become unhealthy if it’s based more on fear than trust. Parents need support—not just in keeping kids safe, but also in learning how to let go a little, knowing they don’t have to do it all or know everything all the time.

Hypervigilant parenting vs. helicopter parenting

Hypervigilant parents obsess about keeping their kids safe from danger, while helicopter parents stay closely involved in school and other activities to help their kids succeed.

Hypervigilant parents and helicopter parents are both very involved, but they focus on different things.

Hypervigilant parents are always alert and worried about their child’s safety. They watch for and try to prevent anything bad from happening. For example, they might check a GPS tracker every hour, avoid letting their child walk to school alone even when they reach the teen years, or constantly scan for signs of illness or injury. Their goal is protection.

Some parents, on the other hand, focus more on their child’s success and achievements. They often hover over schoolwork, sports, and activities to make sure their child does everything “right.” For example, they might email teachers about a bad grade, do part of a science project for their child, or remind them of every deadline. Their goal is control and support in performance.

Both types of parenting come from love, but they can make kids feel pressured or anxious if taken too far. Finding a balance helps kids grow with confidence and independence.

Why moms are especially affected by the mental load 

Moms are especially affected by the hidden mental load because they’re often expected to manage both caregiving and everyday tasks.

While all parents can feel anxious, moms often carry the biggest share of the hidden mental load. This is the mental workload of planning, worrying, remembering, and organizing everything that goes into raising a family. Many of these tasks are invisible, but they take up a lot of energy.

One reason women are more affected is because of long-standing gender roles. Despite the rise of feminism and more women working outside the home, society still expects women to be the main caregivers. Moms are often the ones who remember doctor’s appointments, plan meals, pack school bags, handle household tasks, handles discipline, and take time off work to care for sick kids. They’re expected to manage both the home and their job, even when both roles are full-time.

Along with the concept of a woman’s gender role, there’s also a strong cultural idea of what makes a “good mom.” She’s expected to always protect, always be present, and always know what her kids need. This leads many mothers to try to stop problems before they even happen. Over time, this can become exhausting.

A 2023 research report from the Pew Research Center found that moms feel more worn out and stressed by parenting than dads. Nearly half of mothers (47%) said parenting feels tiring most or all of the time, while only 34% of fathers said the same. Also, 33% of moms said parenting is stressful most or all of the time, compared to just 24% of dads.

Invisible labor is the unpaid and often unnoticed work that helps keep homes, families, or workplaces running smoothly. It’s the kind of work people don’t always see or give credit for.

Invisible labor can look like:

• Keeping track of family schedules
• Planning meals and doing the shopping
• Remembering important dates or school needs
• Checking in on how others are doing

All of this is often done quietly, behind the scenes—and many people don’t realize how much time and energy it takes.

How does constant vigilance affect your health and relationships?

Constant vigilance can lead to stress, sleep problems, and relationship struggles, and it can also cause children to feel anxious by picking up on their parents’ worry.

Always being on alert, or “on guard,” can take a serious toll on your health and relationships. When parents are constantly watching for danger, even small things can start to feel like big threats. Over time, this adds up.

Parents who are always in a state of high alert may feel tired, anxious, or overwhelmed. Many struggle with insomnia, meaning they can’t sleep well because their minds won’t shut off. They may become more irritable or short-tempered, even with the people they love. 

Constant vigilance can also hurt relationships between partners. When one person is carrying most of the mental load, it can lead to resentment. They may feel like they’re doing everything alone, which causes arguments or leads to poor communication. Over time, this can create tension between partners and even marriage problems.

Children can also be affected. Kids are very good at picking up on their parents’ emotions. If a parent is always worried, tense, or afraid, the child may start to feel anxious too, even if they don’t know why. This can make it harder for kids to feel safe, calm, and confident.

While it’s normal to worry about your child’s safety, being constantly on edge isn’t healthy for anyone. Finding ways to take breaks, share responsibilities, and lower anxiety can help both parents and kids feel more secure and connected.

How are children affected by parents’ anxiety?

Children are affected by anxiety in the home because they often pick up on how adults act, which can lead to trouble sleeping, difficulty focusing, or changes in behavior.

Children are deeply affected by the emotions, language, and behavior of the adults who care for them. Whether it’s a mother, father, or other caregiver, kids watch closely and often copy what they see. That’s why a parent’s mental load—especially when it leads to emotional exhaustion or sleep deprivation—can also affect a child’s mental health.

When an adult is feeling anxious, tired, or overwhelmed, there is evidence that children may sense that something is wrong, even if they doesn’t say it out loud. This can change how children feel and act. They may complain of stomachaches, have trouble sleeping, or be extra clingy. Some kids may also struggle with attention at school or have a hard time calming down.

The way adults speak and act—also known as their language and parenting styles—can either make kids feel more secure or more anxious. For example, a mother who is constantly worried or trying to control every detail may pass that energy on to her child, even without meaning to. On the other hand, a parent who models calm behavior and healthy coping skills can teach their child how to deal with stress in a more balanced way.

It’s also important for both parents and partners to work as a team. When one person takes on most of the mental load, it can lead to burnout and hurt the relationship. Sharing responsibilities helps everyone feel more supported and reduces the pressure on one person.

Taking care of your own mental health is not just good for you—it’s good for your child too. When you find ways to manage anxiety and take breaks, your child learns that it’s okay to rest, ask for help, and talk about feelings. A calmer parent helps build a stronger, more confident child.

How to reduce and manage the mental load

You can reduce and manage the mental load by sharing responsibilities, setting boundaries with worry, limiting media consumption, and getting support when you need it.

It’s natural for parents to worry because they care about keeping their kids safe. But when that worry becomes too strong, it can harm your health, your relationships, and even make your child feel less secure.

There are helpful steps parents can take to reduce the mental load:

Share the responsibility

You don’t have to do everything alone. It’s ok to set boundaries and ask your partner, older kids, or family members to help with things like planning meals, scheduling appointments, or packing school bags. Sharing the work helps free up your mind and makes things feel more manageable.

Limit media and online content

Too much news or parenting advice online can raise your anxiety. Try to limit how often you check news stories, social media, or parenting forums—especially before bed. Focus on what’s helpful, not what’s scary.

Make realistic safety plans

It’s a good idea to talk with your kids about what to do in emergencies. But try not to let those talks turn into constant worry. Set clear safety rules, then allow yourself to move on instead of overthinking every “what if.”

Get professional help if you need it

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck in fear, talking to a therapist can really help. They can support you with anxiety, or past trauma. Getting help is a smart and strong choice, not a sign of weakness.

Talk openly and be kind to yourself

Share how you’re feeling with a partner or trusted friend. Many parents feel the same way. Don’t expect perfection. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Taking care of yourself and treating yourself with compassion helps you take better care of your kids.

By setting limits, asking for support, and showing yourself compassion, you can ease the mental load and find more balance in everyday life.

Balancing technology and the cognitive load

Technology can help with daily tasks, but too much screentime and mental effort can lead to fatigue and disconnection, so it’s important to find balance and make time for real conversations.

Technology can be both helpful and overwhelming. It makes task management easier with things like calendar apps, reminders, and online school tools. But it can also increase your cognitive load—the mental effort it takes to think, plan, and keep track of everything. When your brain is working nonstop, it can lead to fatigue, both mental and physical.

One major part of this is screentime. Families often rely on screens for school, work, and even entertainment. But too much screentime can get in the way of real-life conversation. People may spend less time talking face-to-face, which can affect connection and even lower overall happiness.

Finding a balance is key. Technology should be used to support you—not add to your anxiety. For example, a shared family calendar can help with planning, but it’s also important to set screen-free times, like during meals or before bed.

There is clear evidence that even small changes make a big difference. Swapping some screentime for time outside, rest, or just chatting with a friend or partner can help improve focus and mood.

Managing daily life today means keeping your cognitive load in check and making space for what matters. With better tech habits and more real connection, families can feel less overwhelmed and enjoy more peace and joy together.

Knowing when to get help for mental load burnout

Knowing when to get help for mental load burnout means recognizing signs like constant overthinking, exhaustion, and changes in mood or sleep that make daily life harder to manage.

Parenting comes with stress, but when the pressure becomes too much, it can lead to burnout. Burnout happens when your mind and body feel completely worn out from trying to manage everything. It’s important to recognize the signs so you can get the help you need.

One common sign is constantly thinking about worst-case scenarios. You might find yourself imagining bad things happening, even when there’s no real reason to worry. For example, if your child is five minutes late getting home, your mind might jump to something terrible right away.

Another sign is feeling guilty for letting your kids do normal things, like playing outside or walking a short distance alone. Even if the situation is safe, you might feel like you’re a bad parent for not watching them every second.

You might also start avoiding places or activities that feel “risky,” even when the actual risk is small. This could mean skipping birthday parties, trips to the park, or sleepovers—not because your child doesn’t want to go, but because the thought of it makes you too anxious.

Burnout also shows up in your body and mood. You may feel tired all the time, get frequent headaches, have trouble sleeping, or feel more angry or sad than usual.

If you notice these signs, you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you understand your feelings and find ways to cope. Getting help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you care about your well-being and your family’s, too.

Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to take care of your kids.

Support and therapy solutions for modern parenting

Parenting today can feel overwhelming, but support is available—and it can make a big difference. Talking to a therapist can help parents understand their fears, manage anxiety, and learn healthy ways to cope with the mental load. Therapy gives you a safe space to talk about what’s really going on and find tools that work for your life.

Some helpful types of therapy include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which teaches you how to change negative thoughts, and trauma therapy, which helps you heal from past experiences that may be affecting how you parent now.

Pacific Health Group provides mental health services made for busy families. Parents can get help through individual, or family counseling, depending on what works best. We also offer couples therapy. If coming into an office is hard, telehealth sessions are also available, so you can meet with a therapist from home.

Whether you’re feeling stressed, burned out, or just need someone to talk to, Pacific Health Group provides a safe, supportive place to work through parenting challenges and take care of your mental health. Reach out today at 1-877-811-1217 or visit www.mypacifichealth.com.